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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28660587">His Darkest Fate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaDonz/pseuds/MaDonz'>MaDonz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Canon Compliant, Dark Harry Potter, Dark Lord Harry Potter, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Severus Snape Lives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:00:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28660587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaDonz/pseuds/MaDonz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape lives. But how? And at which cost? And what is that dark world he wakes up into?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter &amp; Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>His Darkest Fate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>No beta, my first fic and english is not my native language.... so yeah, if you spot expressions you don't know, it's probably because they don't exist. I'll correct mistakes if you point out any.</p><p>Please review! Tell me what you think!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pain. </p><p>He should be used to it by now. But no. It wasn't the worst he had to endure, for the part of it that allowed the comparison. Because each time wasn't quite the same. Even several round of cruciatus each had their own extruciating unique flavor.</p><p>Of the great range of his experiences on the subject, he couldn't remember coming across this peculiar taste yet. </p><p>It was not the worst as in absolute, but, in a way, it probably was. It was lined up with the acidic fear of death but also with the sweetness of the knowledge that it would soon be over and never happen again. He could remember what it felt like, just moment ago really, when Nagini attacked then left him, neck agape. He felt her venom burning through his veins, at least the ones that weren't spilling his blood on the dusty planks of the shack. At first, intense, it faded as his consciousness was engulfed by the numbing cold.</p><p>"Look... at... me..."</p><p>The last image that went through his mind. Those green eyes, <i>Lily</i>'s eyes... the only thing he wanted to see, at last. The only picture he wanted to carry to his grave... to his hell, burned in his retina. His last slow thoughts, limpid and clear, as emeralds.</p><p>That was alright. That was as it should be. Lily's eyes aknowledging the betrayal of his vows to protect the Boy Who Had To Stop Living. These eyes weren't forgiving though. Of course, there would be no forgivness for him. No mercy. He gave the boy just enough memories to let him believe, let him do what had to be done - he convinced himself in his last shreds of coherent thoughts. </p><p>That was not entierly true... but would he even dare addmiting that he was lying to himself? Even on the brink of death? That would be too shameful. Pathetic.</p><p>And pathetic it was, indeed. Because the truth was that he wanted the boy to know the whole story, to understand what he did and maybe... mabye... But no. Forgiveness was not allowed. Even if he craved it, he knew he shouldn't. He wasn't deserving.</p><p>Because however he could deny, he indeed was the coward the boy had recognized him to be. At the very last minute of his life, all he wanted was the warm spark of the sun he once saw in those green eyes. He wanted her sweet voice telling him it was alright, that he did well, that she was proud to call him her friend. He wanted to see her bright smile in the bright summer day just like in his few old bright memories.</p><p>But his world grew colder, darker and silenter by the second.</p><p>As it shall.</p><p>He expired. His black eyes now hollow, fixed into eternity.</p><p>"Let's-- let's get back to the castle..."</p><p>_____</p><p>Pain. Again.</p><p>It was not that bad, really, he had been through way worse. A pounding headache, buzzing in his ears. He felt nauseated, confused. When he tried opening his eyes, a knife striked in his brain with each ray of light that touched his retina. He closed them.</p><p>After some time, the buzzing subsided a bit, as well as the striking pain. His thoughts slowly gained meaning, and stride to some semblance of coherence.</p><p>How ?</p><p>He shouldn't be feeling anything. He died, he was almost sure of that. Was it some kind of hell? The pain still piecing his skull would imply just that. However, the soft light he could fanthom through his still closed eyelids would dispute the idea. Surly there wouldn't be a warm bright sun in Tartarus. A blazing one, perhaps. But it wasn't burning he felt on the skin of his chest and arms, nor were his back and legs pierced by hundreds heated forks, nor scorched by red embers. Beneath him, only soft fresh linen, silk maybe, scenting of sandalwood and lavender.</p><p>As he knew that nothing could await for him in afterlife but hell, he deduced that, against all things rational, he mustn't be dead.</p><p>He carefully opened his eyes. As years of spying had impress upon him, his first reflex was to scan the room for any threats there could be. If anybody had been here, they might not yet have noticed that he was awake.</p><p>The room was very large. He was lying on a big four-poster bed. Definitly silk. The mahogany was minutly carved on the bed as well as on the four chairs and the table facing it, and the desk and dressers on the other side of the room. The whole was upholsted with green velvet or silk. The whole reminded him of a Renaissance castle bedroom. It was pure luxury, the kind he never seen, let alone experienced. </p><p>Or, almost never seen. </p><p>He knew only of one person who could appreciate such a display of wealth, and thus, he recognized the place he was in. And, as if summoned by the thought, the landlord entered the room.</p><p>Lucius Malfoy didn't appear very different from his usual look. Head held high, back strait and an air of superiority eternally plastered on his face. Yes, the stately demenour of his old friend was not something a mere polyjuice consumer could ever hope to replicate. Although, something was bothering him, but he had trouble putting a finger on it...</p><p>The pureblood, was looking around the room for a second before focusing on Severus. The bed ridden man did ponder for a second whether it would be smarter to pretend being asleep, but having tried to move his limbs and having failed miserably, he guessed that he wouldn't be much advanced if he couldn't get any more information. So when the other man boringly surveied his face, his own black eyes met the silver ones.</p><p>The blank expression of the pureblood morphed to utter shock. Severus had never seen the usually so composed man with eyes this wide or jaws this slack.</p><p>"Severus!"</p><p>In three great strides, Lucius Malfoy had moved from the doorway to his sidebed. Seemingly transfixed, his hand came, subconsciously he supposed, on one of his arms, pressing it, as to make sure that Severus was really there. The older man was bowed over him.</p><p>"Severus! Can you- Can you hear me?"</p><p>Severus open his mouth to answer - and was glad he seemed to be at least capable to move it- but only a croak escaped from his parched lips.</p><p>"Oh. Water. Yes. Yes. Water."</p><p>The man was still frantric. Now that he had made sure that Severus was indeed awake, he seemed to be looking around the room like a mad man.</p><p>"Ah. Of course. Water. Where do I have my mind!"</p><p>An aguamenti later, a glass on the bedside table was filled with the clear liquid. When Lucius hold out the glass to him, a few seconds were necessary for the man to understand that Severus would not get hold of it.</p><p>"Ah. Umh. Maybe I should let the elves handle that, I am not very proficient as a nursemaid."</p><p>He took a look at the door, and though he didn't seem really afraid, he now seemed reluctanct to stay any longer. Even if the glances were discret enough, Severus had since long been able to distinguish the real intentions of the man, even underneath the polish of protocol and good manners. He wouldn't have made a good spy otherwise. When the other man saw that Severus was looking at him quite intendly, he yield.</p><p>"Well, I guess I can take it upon me for a little while. Only for you, my friend."</p><p>Reluctancly he placed his hand, then his arm behind the back of the lying man to push him up a bit. And brought the glass to his lips. And indeed, he was not the blueprint of the perfect caretaker. Severus chocked of his second swallow, Lucius winced, whether because he felt guilty or because the situation was way too undignified for the pureblood. Knowing the man, Severus would lean toward the second reason.</p><p>When he finished the glass, small sips after small sips, he felt quite better. The pain in his limbs and in his skull had ebbed and his throat didn't feel like sandpaper anymore. With the empty glass back on the table, Lucius stood back up.</p><p>"I'll go seek the others, Severus. They'll be happy to know you're... that you're awake."</p><p>The jovial look in his eyes was quite masterly displayed, but for a second Severus thought having seen something else. Was it... apprehension?</p><p>The pureblood turned hills and went for the door.</p><p>"...Lucius..."</p><p>His voice was still horase and weak, but the man stopped right in his tracks.</p><p>Something was off. The stiff posture of the other man -waiting for his inquiry but not turning back to him- was a proof. And suddendly a dreading thought crossed his still too numb mind. Severus shouldn't be here, whatever the outcome of the war had been. If the Dark Lord had succeded, he would have been dead by now, he would not have let a sloppy execution past him and tarnish his reputation. If the Potter boy had, against all odds, been to his own execution and that, unfathomigly, someone of the Light had vinquised Him, he would be in Azkaban if not already Kissed. But the presence of the purebood made him wonder even more. Him not being in Azkaban either, led to think that one scenario was more likely that the other. He needed information, information the other man seemed reluctuant to give him.</p><p>"Lucius, who...?"</p><p>The purebood still had his back to him. Not able to see his face, Severus saw nevertheless that his head had slighty turned to his direction. He knew he had understood the complete meaning of the question: who won?</p><p>"I need to tell... our young Master."</p><p>He sounded careful, wary. And with those words, Lucuis left Severus more lost that he tought possible.</p><p>That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. A Master. He had had enough of Masters. But whomever that person was, Severus was now certain of the outcome of the war. With a supreme effort, he turn his left forearm, allowing him to see the cursed Mark from the raised position Lucius had left him in. Only a scar remained, the Dark Mark itself was no more visible that an old tatoo. The Dark Lord was not there anymore. Even in his confused state, he could tell that he knew it to be true. He hadn't realized the presence or the weight the Dark Lord and with Mark had on his mind, but now that it was gone, he could definitly tell that it had been there from that forsaken day in his teenage years until that very morning.<br/>
Moreover, if the Dark Lord himself had been there, Lucius would have seek him, but that's not what he said.</p><p>
  <i>Young Master</i>
</p><p>But there was something else with Lucius. Something wasn't right, or not as it should be. What was it...?</p><p>The Luxury. And even the good health of the man himself. <i>That</i> shouldn't be. On the last day of the war, Lucius wasn't in the good graces of their Lord. So if he had not only escaped Azkaban and regain his wealth and standing.... the Dark must have prevailed after all.</p><p>The Dark prevailed.</p><p>Maybe he <i>was</i> in hell.</p><p>After all the sacrifices, after the blood and pain and loss, after years of battle against the evil, after all of this, they had lost?</p><p>He would have screamed.</p><p>Oh, he would take back the physical pain that was now leaving him, leaving awfully more aware of the nightmare slowly unfolding before him. He would take back the pain if it meant he was wrong. He would take it back.</p><p>But Severus Snape was not a fool. He was not one to harbour and hide behind illusions. No. He had spent too many years relying on his intellect to forgo its conclusions when there weren't any concrete reasons to. And that was a whole new world of pain.</p><p>To an outside viewer, his inner turmoil was barely visible. A quicken breath intakes, slight tremors, fingers slowly clawing the bed linen, eyes fixed into nothingness.</p><p>But inside.</p><p>Inside he was screaming, and crying, and begging. He would had died. Did he really need more information? To know how many survived? If any? To know what they had possibly went through before they died? No, with of without the Dark Lord, he knew what the Dark would do once in power. If the likes of the Lestranges or MacNairs had been free to do whatever they pleased, he wasn't even sure that the death of the Dark Lord had been a good thing. His insanity had a goal, where Bellatrix' only one was to shed blood and destruction.</p><p>He pressed his eyelids strongly. He had to take a hold of himself. He shouldn't make conclusions with too few information. A "young Master". Maybe that <i>Master</i> had taken over and was better than the Dark Lord? Could he even really fathom worst? Was he just trying to delude himself from the awful truth to not lose his sanity?</p><p>The door cracked open and he schooled his features like he had done for so many years. It was harder to do.</p><p>"Oh, sleeping Beauty is back with us!"</p><p>Oh no. A dark-haired young man was slowly walking toward him. A vicious grin was cut through his glasses-lacking features. No. What a horrible sight. Not <i>him</i>.</p><p>"So, <i>Severus</i>." He let the 's' hissed unpleasantly."- Lucius tell me that you just woken up. How wonderful! We have awaited you for quite some time, now."</p><p>He didn't want to cross the eyes of his other host, because then it couldn't be denied. The young man, who might have seen through his reluctance, sit uninvited on his bedside, his legs negligingly crossed.</p><p>"Lost your tongue, dear dear <i>Severus</i>?"</p><p>The young man was now above him, inviding his personal space, his right hand on the headboard above his left shoulder. Severus tensed, his jaws tighten. His felt the thrice-damned eyes he didn't want to cross drilling holes on his skull. And he could feel what he feared since his old student entered the room. He felt it and there was nothing more he could refute. The Dark magic. So powerful it was intoxicating.</p><p>He forced a breath through his teeth and turn to meet the eyes that had inhabited his nightmares for the last twenty years.</p><p>The avada-kedavra green eyes were glazing. He was facinated. How horrid. He didn't need his mind arts - not that he could managed it currently - and no one would need it to tell how those haunting eyes were so bright and so dark at the same time. Oh so bright, he was drawn in like by a whirlpool. Oh so dark, a chill ran down his spine and a lead wighted down his stomack. If the man fancied to use Legilimency -and maybe he was-, he doubted that he could oppose much resistance.</p><p>It was a nightmare. It was hell.</p><p>Among all, why him? He didn't want to believe, but it was there. <i>He</i> was there, before him, undenible.</p><p>After a smirk that was so alien on the face of the son of his old enemy, the younger man got up and Severus could get back the use of his bewitched mind.</p><p>There were other changes on the appearance of Harry Potter. His dark and richly embroidered clothes hid a lean body stronger than he could remember ever seeing. Black gloves covered his hands. His scar, usually hidden, was in broad display for anyone to see. </p><p>It was black. </p><p>If it had been quite recognizable in the past, being redder than the skin underneath, it was now hard to look anywhere else, unmistakable.</p><p>"I see that you've seen the few changes."</p><p>His grin grew wider, and, spreading his arms, he spun around, to allow Severus to see. His robes were really expensive, gold and luxious fabrics. They fluttered around the younger man, just how his own teaching one used to.</p><p>"So, do you like what you see?"</p><p>He would have ripped his eyes out of their sockets if it meant that everything he had seen to this point wasn't anything true.</p><p>"... how..."</p><p>His voice wasn't quite back to normal yet, but really, it was the tightening of his throat that made speaking so hard.</p><p>"Ah, that's quite a large question! How did you end up here? How did you survived? Oh, maybe you meant how did <i>I</i> survived?" The questions seemed to amuse him a lot. "My, my, being such a <i>great</i> professor and lacking so many answers! It must feel awful."</p><p>Severus was taken aback. Potter let his gaze on the lying man. In his eyes, a disgusting pity and a compassion so fake, Severus felt his stomach turning.<br/>
Seeing the contempt in the green eyes was too much. A degradation of those beautiful eyes. The man before him was nothing like the son of Lily Evans. Not for his eyes, not for his demeanour, not even for his voice.</p><p>"Ah, but I guess I can indulge you, out of the pure goodness of my heart. However, if I must tell the tale, it will do well to start at the begining, don't you think?"</p><p>The green eyes left his face, and he started pacing through the room, seemingly completly immersed in his recounting of events.</p><p>"I think it all started in the night you left the castle after having accomplished your<i>deed</i>. Oh, was I innocent at the time, but that was the turning point, I think. My naive self then, had felt so betrayed, thrice betrayed: by the Order ally, the teacher of six years, and by the Half Blood Prince. What a shock it had been! Can you even fanthom my utter horror when I discovered that the character I'd come to respect and rely on has my Horrid Potions Professor?" At that his eyes found the black ones, but instead of hate he find a sort of fondness only good old memories can bring forth. "But I must confess, the sectumsempra... what an amazing spell! I couldn't admit it at the time, when i first cast it on Malfoy, but God! Was the feeling of the spell always that great?" at that the fondness turn into a crazy eagerness. And Severus recognized that mad spark in his eyes. He had seen it in many others... Deatheaters mostly. </p><p>Potter was contaminated. </p><p>"Ah, but I digress. Can you believe that it was the first time ever that I attempted an Unforgivable? Of course, not the last!" And he was chuckling. Chuckling for having cast Unforgivables. And if his state of mind and the taint of dark magic that covered him so thorougly, like tar, was anything to go by, he didn't fail his other attempts.</p><p>"Anyway, back on track. As you know, I went to collect the horcruxes, as was Dumbledore's last wish."</p><p>Severus couldn't hide his stupefaction. Seeing it Potter paused and the vicious gleam in his eye grew brighter.</p><p>"Or maybe you didn't... Right. You dear ol' Dark Lord had hidden a few pieces of his soul across the country, you see. There was the ones you already know about: Tom Riddle's Diary, the Gaunt's Ring... you know, the one that made the old coot rot from the inside, one limb at a time? Yes, that one. But there was also others: the Hufflpuff Cup, Ravenclaw Diadem, Slitherin's Locket. And finally, two last ones... but you can probably take and educated guess on what they were by yourself? Such an clever man as yourself has probably put two and two together by now, right?"</p><p>The compliment had the acidic taste of an insult. But he had to understand. The scale of Dumbledore's plan. The quest of the three teenagers the portrait didn't wanted to talk about. Seven horcruxes, seven pieces severed from a human soul. No wonder the Dark Lord had gone insane. And the last two, what they were... Words of his old mentor and friend came back to his mind 'when he comes to fear for his snake'. Nagini. A living horcrux? Was that really possible? Of the scarce litterature that came under his scrutiny in his career, he had never heard of that. Even if it was possible, that wouldn't be smart. Having such a fragile receptacle. But for a lunatic dark wizard... But the creation of horcroxues was horrid enough in itself to think of such an awful possibility. And what could be the consequences of that? Two souls irremediably tied to the same body. A shard of darkness embodied in another's soul? An individual seeing through the souls of two? Could it be..?</p><p>His eyes were drawn to the younger man, to his awful widening grin, to his hateful eyes, to his way too black scar.</p><p>"I see that you get it, now. After all, understanding the reason or not, you were ready to do what was necessary, weren't you? Send me to my death on the order of your beloved headmaster. Oh, yes. I didn't forget the truth. I have the mind clearer now that anytime previously in my life. But don't worry, nobody else knows. It will remain out little secret. Your real allegencies, your real motivations." And he chuckled again.</p><p>"But really, maybe I ought to remind you. Because it seems to me that you lost track of your own goals, don't you think, Severus?"</p><p>And suddently he was on him, his vicious smile turned feral grimace.</p><p>"Maybe I ought to remind you who you sworn protection to! And to think that I thought you a traitor from my first year, when really you turned on me the instant you accepted to engage in the plan of "leading me to my fate"... All for the "Greater Good", right?!"</p><p>That was painful. That was true. The young man before him, however twisted his mind has become, tainted by dark magic, was right. </p><p>"Oh, yes Snape. That's your doing. That's all your doing!" He pointed at his scar. His irate scream give place to a vicious whisper to his ear. "Maybe you thought yourself honorable on the brink of death, I wonder. Did you think that you would get to meet my mother through the Veil? You, that betrayed her so many times!?"</p><p>There were such hate in the eyes on the looming man above him, that it felt as if he was pressing all his weight on his chest. He had trouble breathing.</p><p>"Did you expect compassion in the eyes of the one you insulted, the one you knew you hurt when you took the Dark Mark? The one you led the Dark Lord to, in your quest for aknowledgment and power? The one you killed! But to add insult to injury, you hated her kid, the one orphaned because of you. Oh, I remember the hate in you eyes the very first day, you cutting words. How you hated the Survivor, even if you created him. Because <i>you</i> made me "he who has the power to vinquished the Dark Lord", <i>you</i> made me the Boy Who Lived, <i>you</i> made me the very celebrity you despised me for being!"</p><p>The heat and hate of his words abated suddently, proving once more his instability. Not that Severus could tell. Each words were one of the bone-melting blazing pokers he had expected waking up. The burn, the pain was ripping his guts, heart and skull. He couldn't help the anguish to show on his face. He couldn't stop his mind from screaming.</p><p>"However, I must admit that you did keep you promise for a bit. You did save me in that first Quidditch match. And in the Shack, one could imagine that it wasn't just to have the satisfaction of giving your old enemy to the dementors yourself... But really, at the first occasion, you bolted. Oh, of course, your little speech was heart-warming. "Like a pig to the slaugther". Well found I must admit. You always had your way with words... But in the end, it changes nothing. You betrayed your vow, you betrayed me and my mother, and that's all the truth there is to it. But of course, you might argue, like the old fool, that is was all for the Greater Good. That you did what was necessary... But don't you dare. You chose the Mark, you chose the Dark, you chose your Lord. You just choose the easy way. You chose yourself a new master when you wouldn't follow the fist anymore. You drank his words, hope for his recognition and abode by his wishes. Because, really, you were incapable of making your own decisions. And when his will differed from what you sworn, then you simply betrayed your word, dismissed it. Anything not to lose the good graces of your master, to the point of bending the knee and obey the words of a painting! So pitiful... The great Severus Snape, terror of Hogwards, Feared Potions Master... Eager slave of whomever is willing to accept him!"</p><p>All his muscles were painfully contracted, he was now trembling. His black eyes were unseeing, each sentences bringing images obscuring his vision. How could words be so painful to listen to? Once again calm and composed, his tormentor stood up and backed away from the bed.</p><p>"But I didn't quite finished my story, did I? So, I hunted down horcrux after horcrux, willingly putting myself in the line of fire, and still, I didn't understand why the headmaster had chosen <i>me</i> for the task. Why not an adult? Why not a cursebreaker, or a specialist in dark arts? Why send three kids after the most dangerous artifacts they were?"</p><p> He turned back toward Severus, a thin ironic smile on his lips.</p><p>"But of course, why sacrificing anyone else when I was suppose to die from the very begining? Why waste any other life?"</p><p>He resumed his walk through the room.</p><p>"I didn't understand at first, not even when you passed on his message "from beyond the grave". No, of couse not. It had taken years, but I was well trained by then, slighty strained, slithly more tainted that he had hoped, but well trained nevertheless. I went willingly. Can you believe that? I went there, willingly, unarmed, for the other bastard to avada me! Ah!"</p><p>A crazed laugh, where one could hear the reminicend of Bellatrix' escaped from the lips of the Survivor.</p><p>"But that was the best decision I ever made. Oh no, I don't regret it, you see. Because that's how I understood everything! I wouldn't be there otherwise! I wouldn't have tasted real power, real bliss! How could I have lived without it before? I wonder. Because you see, Nagini had been killed by then. When he lifted his hand against me, when he pronounced the deadly curse, he condemned himself! The Elder Wand was not his, it was mine. <i>I</i> was the master of the Elder Wand."</p><p>If possible, Severus lost the few colors he had left.</p><p>"Yes, Severus. Your <i>death</i>, your <i>sacifice</i> had been useless, unconsequential, utterly meaningless. You achieved nothing."</p><p>"But I digress again, one cannot remain stuck on details. You see, what happen is while he killed the shard of his own soul within me, he killed himself as well. One does not attack the Master of Death with his own wand and leave unscathered."</p><p>After the pain and the anguish, it was fear now that intoxicated his mind. Master of Death, the myth made reality right before his eyes.</p><p>"Yes, each their own title, isn't it, Prince? However, some have more meaning that a teenage persona."</p><p>And really, it was so derisive, laughable.</p><p>"But hopefully, <i>I</i> got rewarded for my sacrifice. You see, his soul was crushed, but his power was captured. I've never felt so complete! So exalarting, you couldn't fanthom. And after that, really everything was so clear, so easy..."</p><p>He came back by the bed.</p><p>"In the last few years, I did everything that I deemed necessary. All for the sake of the wizarding world, of course! And if what it took often allign with my own entertainement, that is pure luck! But the fact is that there is no more fights. Peace for all wizards! Our population had never been so safe and so florishing! I can't believe that old Voldy struggled so much, really. His lost soul pieces must really have hiddered his intellect. Because most of them were just like you, Severus: begging to find a guide, a Master to lead them on the good path. And once more I readied myself for the burden the wizarding world put on my shoulders. But I did that willingly for once, eyes wide open. And I enjoy it beyond mesure!"</p><p>What had he become? Just a new and improved version of the Dark Lord? So, that was the world now. So, that was all there was to it. Severus felt empty now. Defeated.</p><p>The voice which had toned through that speech, made itself low and caressing, like Severus' own when he wanted it to scare his students into compliance.</p><p>"But let's get back to you, Severus. I had to get back to you, you understand? And, litterally, I went back to get you, in the Shack. There was not much to do to heal you, but you weren't quite dead yet, and you couldn't fanthom the power of one Master of Death! A flick of the Elder Wand - <i>My</i> wand, and you were back to you old ugly self. I couldn't let by Most Adored teacher die after all. But you wouldn't wake up, so I had to delegate the task of looking after you to my most loyal adviser, and you seem to have quite a history together. All the better. Imagine my surprise, my bewildment when he just announced me that you came back! I had to cancel my appointment with the ministers to come by your side I soon as I could. Had you waken up earlier, I'm not sure I could have had such a perfection of a world to display in front of you. Even a year earlier, we still had a few uprisings. But that's finished now. We captured the last of the resistance. Make them... understand."</p><p>He paused to allow the horrendous smile to slowly grace his features again.</p><p>"But all of that, all that I accomplished, in the end, it was thanks to you. If you hadn't killed the old man, I would have never know the sweet tastes of the Unforgivable, the power found in vengence and rage. I wouldn't have followed the path that led me to the great power I hold now. And for your great service, I think you deserve a gift, a reminder of your greatest accomplishment."</p><p>With one swift motion, Potter extracted a wand from the folds of his robe.</p><p>Severus could not control a statle, by which the younger man seemed taken aback for a second or so, before the hated grin reapeared.</p><p>"No, don't be afraid Severus. Nothing is going to happen to you. You will live. A - very - long - life. I can't guarentee that it will be happy though. After all, you'll get to live in the world you help engineer."</p><p>Potter approched and laid the wand on Severus' stomack. It was not Potter's wand - with his famous phoenix core. It was not the Elder Wand either, the one he had last seen in the hands of the Dark Lord, nor was it his own. No, it was an dark wand, almost as dark as his Rosewood wand but not as long. It was elegant, with a short handle and runes carved all around. He knew that wand, he had wondered in the past, what had happen to it. He guessed that it joined his owner in his white tomb on the grounds of Hogwards. If it had been there, it wasn't anymore. The wand of his mentor and friend, was nagging him, just before his eyes, just out of reach for his still too weak limbs.</p><p>And he cried.</p><p>A derisive sound. "Pathetic. Really.... you disgust me." A few steps carried the one who had irremediably shatted his soul out of the room.</p><p>Pathetic</p><p>Pathetic</p><p>It was like the word reverberated a thousand time in the void of his heart. But soon the others join in. <i>You disgust me</i>, but it wasn't Potter's voice anymore. No. It was the voice of a ghost.</p><p>"<i>You disgust me</i>" </p><p>And it wasn't a figment of his imagination. It was worse that any nightmare, because it was true. It was a memory. A memory of him, on his knees, before the man he would end up killing. And, from the moment he remembered, he was trapped. He felt the rain on his face and the cold settling in his bones. And those blue eyes, accusing, pourring acid on his mind and soul.</p><p>He was trapped there. And whatever other memory of the man he tried to summon, the accusing eyes took the place of the warm twinkle. And even when the words were sweet, the gestures comforting, the eyes screamed <i>Pathetic!</i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>And even for that last memory. And especially for that last memory.</p><p>"Severus... please..."</p><p>"You disgust me"</p><p>Pathetic</p><p>Pathetic

</p><p>
  <i>Pathetic</i>
</p><p>How could he have? The single event that made himself less than a man. That broke his immortal soul. How could he have? And whatever the reason, mercy, or the Greater Good. He wished he wouldn't have been able. He wished he would have just died instead, right there and then.</p><p>With all the strengh of his dispair, he unfolled his fingers from the linen, and slowly, painfully, he reached for the wand.</p><p>Then his index met the warm wood. Then he screamed.</p><p>His back arched under the sudden pain. Pure cruciatus, the Dark Lord's quality. No, more than that. It wasn't purely physical pain. It was deeper, it wasn't his body, nor his mind that he felt shreding, but his very soul.</p><p>And suddently, it was a whilpool of emotions that weren't his that contaminated his heart and mind. Grief. Sorrow. Guilt. To the point were it superseded his own. Or not. It increased his own. Had he had the strengh, he would had ripped his own hair and skin. The physical pain was gone as fast as it came, but the other remained. His heart hurt, and in foetal position he cried and sobbed and understood.<br/>
He remembered that pain, the intensity of that grief, of that sorrow, of that guilt. They were his own, he hadn't remembered, or he forgotten it, or he lost it. And maybe it should have remained lost, because he couldn't fanthom ever opening his eyes again without the burn of tears, breathing again without being ragged by sobs, moving again out of that universe of despair he was in.</p><p>That's probably why he didn't notice, after how long- he couldn't tell- that the door of the room was opened again.</p><p>"I-I'm sorry."</p><p>The words were almost mumured, sounding breathless. Severus was shocked back into consciousness, and while we tried to get his ragged breath under control, his redden eyes went to the door. There, the cause of his tourments was pressed against the wall, looking absolutly distraught, sliding to the floor as his legs couldn't support him.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."</p><p>And when the green eyes crossed his, it was not a Dark Lord's, it was Lily's.</p><p>"It was the only way. I'm sorry."</p><p>When he seemed calmed enough, he got back on his feet and proceed to approch the bed. He stopped when he saw Severus violently shudder. He seemed speechless for a bit, his sorrowful gaze crossing the distrusting and fearful black eyes.</p><p>"I-I lied. It's all lies! Mostly. I'm sorry. I'll get the others. They... they will tell you."</p><p>He scooted out of the room and Severus could hear the calls of 'Lucius!' and 'Hermione!' and 'Draco!'. Several moments later, the four people were back into the room.</p><p>"Professor!"</p><p>The young woman had spoken, now transfixed, wide eyes on him. Severus was indeniably lost. What was the meaning of it all?</p><p>"Severus!"</p><p>One of the blonds in the room had spoken. Potter, still adoning his finely embroiedered black robes, remain behind them, his worried eyes on his former teacher. Was it relief in the eyes of his godson? But it was his father that spoke first, approching the bed when the other still remained at a respectable distance.</p><p>"Severus, how are you feeling, my friend?"</p><p>He looked and sounded genuinly concerned.</p><p>"What does ... all of that.... mean..?"</p><p>He still had trouble speaking. But his words seemed to have decided the others to approch. He noticed that Potter still remained a bit futher behind them. It was the Granger girl that decided first to give him some answers.</p><p>"We're really sorry, professor! It was an act. Voldemort is dead... definitly dead. We won the war! And to a great part, thanks to you! You were incredible. Harry told everyone what you did. Everyone knows you were with the Light all along."</p><p>Severus was even more lost. He tried to sit back a bit more and straighten. A far away echo murmured <i>pathetic'</i> He shook his head to clear his mind. He could move a bit better now. The cruciatus like experience had awaken back some of his muscles. His thoughts were still in complete disorder though. He had trouble thinking strait.</p><p>Surely, he appreciated that, if it was finally the truth. The world was finally rid of the Dark Lord. But some facts didn't added up.</p><p>"But ... why the... why the act?... and the dark magic?"</p><p>At that he turned toward Potter who looked like he had lost several shades of color, more worried than ever. It was the turn of the younger Malfoy to speak.</p><p>"Severus, he didn't had a choice. I would have done it if he hadn't. You were-"</p><p>"No you wouldn't have! Especially now."</p><p>It was the elder Malfoy that had interuppted his son. He didn't sound that angry, but his tone admited no discussion.</p><p>"I'm sorry old friend. I care about you, but I would not have allowed him to... to..."</p><p>He trailed off.</p><p>"To... what!?"</p><p>Anger. That, he knew well. There was something they wouldn't tell him. What could be that terrible if they had vinquished the Dark Lord. Voldemort. It shouldn't be that horrible. The hairy girl took back the floor.</p><p>"Professor, you were... you were..."</p><p>The word seemed to be blocked in her throat. He must have been badly injured. Had they performed dark arts to heal him. But Potter shouldn't have known such spells then, then what?</p><p>"Dead. You were dead."</p><p>It was Draco. </p><p>Dead. Just as he had thought. Dead on the dusty planks of the Shack, neck agape. <i>Pathetic</i>.</p><p>"...then..."</p><p>No one was looking him in the eyes. A tinge of fear. His speechlessness wasn't going to give him any answers. Anger on the other hand... And it wasn't that hard to summon, considering a sweating Harry Potter in his finely ajusted robes.</p><p>"Potter! What have you done!?"</p><p>Oh, almost perfectly delivered, he was definitly getting better. The young man blanched. Bingo.</p><p>"I-I..."</p><p>And that was all he could manage. He remained, mouth open, trying to get other syllables past his lips.</p><p>"Given the speech you gratified me with earlier, I would expect more than a impersonnation of a carp from you."</p><p>"I-I'm sorry!"</p><p>"You said so earlier. I need what comes after that, if you so please!"</p><p>"I- There was a rituel I knew I-I took part in, in the past"</p><p>"What rituel, Potter? I'm not an Inferius, right?"</p><p>"No-No, sir! No, you're not! Of couse, not!"</p><p>"From what we saw, professor, you're not really that different from before."</p><p>"Before WHAT?"</p><p>Granger, reddened but didn't answer.</p><p>"Who will finally explain what you did to me?!"</p><p>"Severus, you shouldn't get mad after him. I would have-"</p><p>"No you would not have!" The elder interrupted his son once more.</p><p>"Lucius, will <i>you</i> tell me. I'm getting to the end of my patience. Being dead hadn't extend it, or so it seems!"</p><p>"Severus, it was the same ritual the-the Dark Lord..."</p><p>Severus' eyes widen impossibly and went back to Potter, cowering behind the others.</p><p>"You're trying to tell me that- POTTER! Potter come here and show me your hands!"</p><p>"I still have my hands! I had no other choice!"</p><p>"Your hands! Now!"</p><p>It was kind of conforting to see that he could still instigate such fear in his old student, even given the state he was in currently. Cowardly, the others had retreated from before the younger man. He reluctancly came closer, and, encouraged by one harsh glare, he push his black-gloved hands forward. He was shaking slightly. Severus had regain enough of his mobility by then to put his hand on the right then the left of Potter's, detailling the wrist, the palm, and finger after finger. When he happened to the ring finger of the left hand he felt it. His eyes went blazing to Potter, noticing the lower lip that was badly mistreating. By a swift movement, swifter that he would have thought himself capable of at the moment, he removed the glove on the incrimniated hand. His two smallest fingers were severed and replaced by fakes.</p><p>"What is that?"</p><p>His voice was threatingly low.</p><p>"The-the "<i>flesh of the s-servant, willingly sacrificed</i>"..?"</p><p>Anger gave him even more strength. He grabed the younger man by the collar.</p><p>"I hope you really are kinding me, Potter, because if you're about to tell me that you dug up my father's-"</p><p>Potter swallowed, and the answer was written all over his face. He would have puched him if Draco didn't run inbetween them.</p><p>"Severus! Severus, please calm down!"</p><p>"Calming down! He turned me into a monster!"</p><p>The reflexion having left his lips before his mind, he hold a hand to his face.</p><p>"Do not worry my friend, you didn't lost the appendix you use as a nose. Nor your greasy hair for that matter."</p><p>"Professor, there are not any noticable differences."</p><p>Saying that, their eyes went to his throat. He took his hand there. Instead of smooth skin or scars, the skin was... scally. It was, in fact, plain scales.</p><p>"You see, it's nothing too terrible! And really, it's almost invisible!"</p><p>"You'll let me be the judge of that, Draco! Bring me a mirror."</p><p>"Come on, Severus. You won't give me an excess of vanity now?"</p><p>"Sorry to disappoint you Lucius, but while your anguish might be to not be considered a bachlor in his prime this year anymore, I'll just like to be able to walk down the street without being hexed or stoned!"</p><p>Granger retrieved a pocket miror from her purse. And, he had to admit that, even thought the difference could be spotted, his natural skin color was close with the scales'. It blended quite well.</p><p>"That doesn't explain everything. How could you bring me back. Isn't that ritual for incorporal beings? I never been a ghost, not that I could remember, and <i>I</i> didn't have an horcrux."</p><p>At that, looks were exanchanged.</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>Potter open his mouth, but didn't fared better than previously. However, he saw his gaze wandered to Albus' wand still on the other side of the double bed. Severus went to reach it. He had a second of hesitation before grabbing it, wondering if he would go through the same horrible experience as before, but as no one stopped him, he guess it would probably be safe to handle now.</p><p>"What does that mean?"</p><p>"It was... your Horcrux..."</p><p>"I WOULD NEVER HAVE -"</p><p>"Yes! Yes, we know. Let me explain and you can be mad later, please?"</p><p>Potter sounded less distraught now, still wary of his reaction though.</p><p>"We didn't know, until after the Battle, that is. Then, I went to the Headmaster's office again. You see, I had to know, and since you were dead, his promise -Dumbledore's- to you was no more and he could tell me things about you, about how and why you acted that way all this time." </p><p>He eyes were begging. Asking for forgivness?</p><p>"He-he told me all those things, about what you did for me and all the others, but also what you did for him. How he... he thought of you as a son... and that he had regrets. He told me that he thought he asked you too much, that you were too young and that you deserved a happy life, not the one he had forced upon you."</p><p>Anger had left. Severus was rendered speechless.</p><p>"He told me- the portrait told me that he had a plan. That he would let... that he would let <i>me</i> decide if he had made the good choice, provided he had succeded. I mean, the portrait Dumbledore didn't know if the real Dumbledore had succeded. Because it was... It happen when- you..."</p><p>Potter had trouble finishing. He sighed and his finger-lacking hand went through the mop of his hair.</p><p>"There was many possibilty for it not to go right, or to not work at all, but he managed it. I mean, he was the greatest wizard alive, at the time... Anyway, he made the horcrux."</p><p>After several seconds, Severus remembered it was his time to speak.</p><p>"But-but it needs..."</p><p>"... a murder. Dumbledore told me that his murder had surely tore your soul. And he had to do with what he had at hand at the moment. He prepared everything for the spell to work, to bind a piece of your soul to his wand. And the last thing necessary was the... was his death."</p><p>"It goes against all his principles! The darkest of magic! And it's not like I would have been the only casualty of war! Its prepostrous!"</p><p>They looked embarassed.</p><p>"Well, there is a differenece between you and the others. You were like his son. And, unlike the others, your case was just like mine... you were supposed to die. You were not a casualty, more like a sacrifice."</p><p>However he could think about that, it could hardly be denied. By hidding the fact that Draco had been the one to take the wand from his mentor, he set the Dark Lord on him to get mastership of the Elder Wand. Sooner or later, the dark wizard would have attacked him.</p><p>"And he... he gave me the choice. He told only me about the horcrux, he didn't want to sully your reputation. He told me what he had done and told me that only me could go through with it, knowing that in would mean doing really dark magic -and all the consequences that goes with it- or to destroy the horcux with the remaining basilic fangs or fiendfire."</p><p>He looked at Potter. He had the traces of dark magic on him, that was undenible. But his eyes were way too earnest.</p><p>"I chose."</p><p>Several minutes went by without anyone saying a word.</p><p>"Sooo... old friend, welcome back to the land of the living. May I offer some refraichments and a dinner if you feel up to it?"</p><p>"Why the set up? Why making me believe that the war was lost."</p><p>He would have been angry, but he couldn't muster the energy anymore. Given everything that had happen, he doubted that it was out of sheer hate, vindinctivness or revenge, not that he wouldn't understand the need for Potter to take revenge on him. He wouldn't even condamned it. It was the Granger girl, as predictibly, who answered him.</p><p>"Well, you see professor, there was still the issue of the horcrux. No offence, but we wouldn't allow you or anyone else to have an horcrux. Once you were back, we had to get rid of it. If we were to detroy it the usual way, you would have lost the piece of your soul that was trapped in it... and to unknown consequences. That last one to who it happen didn't end up quite well."</p><p>And she dared a small smile.</p><p>"But there were another way. A way to get back the soul piece."</p><p>She made a pause. He drank her words.</p><p>"The only other way is to truely regret the murder that caused the horcrux in the first place. We could all guess that it must have been horrible for you to do that, but since the horcrux still worked to get you back, we figured that we needed... a bit more..."</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"You said that already Potter. A hundred times."</p><p>He sighted. The silence was back in the room. He pinched the top of his nose.</p><p>"What you done was foolish. It tainted you with dark magic and could have resulted in you own death. I doubt that you can become an Auror after that. Did you think for one second that you could have brought back a severed soul, or some other horrible thing that went throught the soul plane at that moment?!"</p><p>But his anger was not genuine. He took a deep breath, slowly released it, waited for the green eyes to find his own, and said the only words that deserved to be said.</p><p>"Thank you." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, is my canon-compatible non-dead Snape seems canon-compatible enough you? I'd like to hear you thoughts about it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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